post-mortem
You: Snigger Snigger
Me: Mutter mutter
yeah..i DID pay money to watch the village - spent more time waiting for a refund than at the theatre, I can tell you that!
In hindsight, the movie could've worked if was played in the theatre in reverse. There are formulas of scary movies that shouldnt be messed around with - they should be left just so.
Had just settled into seat and had finally taken control of popcorn when lo and behold! titles appear.. I laugh encouragingly - horror movie..get it? whats more horrorsome than the titles when the movie should be picking up speed and is off at full-throttle towards climax?
So I sit and snigger at those who leave the theatre murmering -bah, what would they know of modern horror movies. I soon am escorted out in shameful disgrace - apparently was in the way of the cleaning crew who were instructed to clean the place AFTER THE MOVIE ENDED! refund idea was laughed upon by management - didnt help when I pointed out that I was cheated out of a scary movie. But then M.night shyamalan did what I always wanted to -sell a packet of nothing..
Think about it - there is no rule that forbids me from selling a packet of nothing. For fancy effects i could fill it up with air, but is basically nothing inside. So here we have a fancy wrapper, with kids and cartoons or sexy women depending on my target audience (am market savvy mind you). Packet can open like a milk carton, or like a chips packet, depending on if you got the regular or special variant. But the final effect remains the same - there is nothing in the packet. No rule against doing this is there, and i dont exactly fool the audience. If my wrapper says there is zero fat and zero carbs inside- is nothing but the wholesome truth.
Hell, I could even have a website promoting the product's future launches - scented air filled in it instead of plain air. The buyer shall purchase a packet (Warning: open pack for contents), proceed to reach in for contents, gaze in puzzlement at empty packet. Then he (in my feminist sense, women dont experiment with unknown products like so) shall turn it upside down, realize the fraud, laugh appreciatively at sense of humor and proceed to throw it in the garbage. A second scenario could also be that he purchases many more with the wrong assumption that he recieved a faulty product. Either way, he buys the first packet - leading me to a well-earned profit for a quirky sense of humor and business. In an idiotic world, he would return for any other product by my company - the same as one shall return for M.night's next movie. In an idiotic world, my friend, in an idiotic world.
Well, reunion with friends was eventful. Heard about paranormal experiences with the utmost solemn interest. Lesson learnt: If one were to speak to one's deceased parent via a communicator (read: possessed human) one shall oversee fact that one speaks to one's father in a language that father doth not understand. For simpler story, read on.
Atsuko believes in the paranormal. Snigger on as you may, raise that untrimmed eyebrow if you wish, but that is the truth. The earlier you accept it without pointless debates, the easier for me to continue the story. Thank you. So the lady hops along lah-dee-dah to San Diego for an encounter of the paranormal kind. I dont know how one approaches this dainty task though. Does one say " I wish to speak umm..to a paranormal person" ? In anycase, she enters a swanky home to speak to Mother Donna (names changed to protect identity - whose identity though? hers or her paranormal business partners? hush hush) So atsuko proceeds to speak to a heavily middle-eastern accented eeeebraheeem. He proceeds to tell her, in her own words, answers to what she wanted to ask! Hallelujah, you say? Caution - he does not answer questions that he knows you dont want really want to ask. Questions such as - how many marbles in my pocket or how many cops waiting outside to nab you. HUSSSSHHHH i say!!
To proceed on - she expresses wish to speak to her father -a japanese dead person. "yessssss" assures mother donna. Except when father dearest begins to speak, is in heavily japanese accented english. "It was a bit strange" atsuko admitted to us later "he answered in a strangely tibetian accented english". Alla and me exchange sly looks, but Julia gives us the stern eye to comfort her "but tibet is somewhere near japan, eeesnt it" she asks. "it might as well be" replies geo-challenged atusko "but dad cannot speak english". Alla and me continue to smother ourselves from giggling as julia comforts her the way only she can "oh atsukooo..dont worry, maybe poppa wants you to learn better english"...Atsuko nods wisely as she totters off..NOW can i snigger???
paranormally
hushhhh....
Me: Mutter mutter
yeah..i DID pay money to watch the village - spent more time waiting for a refund than at the theatre, I can tell you that!
In hindsight, the movie could've worked if was played in the theatre in reverse. There are formulas of scary movies that shouldnt be messed around with - they should be left just so.
Had just settled into seat and had finally taken control of popcorn when lo and behold! titles appear.. I laugh encouragingly - horror movie..get it? whats more horrorsome than the titles when the movie should be picking up speed and is off at full-throttle towards climax?
So I sit and snigger at those who leave the theatre murmering -bah, what would they know of modern horror movies. I soon am escorted out in shameful disgrace - apparently was in the way of the cleaning crew who were instructed to clean the place AFTER THE MOVIE ENDED! refund idea was laughed upon by management - didnt help when I pointed out that I was cheated out of a scary movie. But then M.night shyamalan did what I always wanted to -sell a packet of nothing..
Think about it - there is no rule that forbids me from selling a packet of nothing. For fancy effects i could fill it up with air, but is basically nothing inside. So here we have a fancy wrapper, with kids and cartoons or sexy women depending on my target audience (am market savvy mind you). Packet can open like a milk carton, or like a chips packet, depending on if you got the regular or special variant. But the final effect remains the same - there is nothing in the packet. No rule against doing this is there, and i dont exactly fool the audience. If my wrapper says there is zero fat and zero carbs inside- is nothing but the wholesome truth.
Hell, I could even have a website promoting the product's future launches - scented air filled in it instead of plain air. The buyer shall purchase a packet (Warning: open pack for contents), proceed to reach in for contents, gaze in puzzlement at empty packet. Then he (in my feminist sense, women dont experiment with unknown products like so) shall turn it upside down, realize the fraud, laugh appreciatively at sense of humor and proceed to throw it in the garbage. A second scenario could also be that he purchases many more with the wrong assumption that he recieved a faulty product. Either way, he buys the first packet - leading me to a well-earned profit for a quirky sense of humor and business. In an idiotic world, he would return for any other product by my company - the same as one shall return for M.night's next movie. In an idiotic world, my friend, in an idiotic world.
Well, reunion with friends was eventful. Heard about paranormal experiences with the utmost solemn interest. Lesson learnt: If one were to speak to one's deceased parent via a communicator (read: possessed human) one shall oversee fact that one speaks to one's father in a language that father doth not understand. For simpler story, read on.
Atsuko believes in the paranormal. Snigger on as you may, raise that untrimmed eyebrow if you wish, but that is the truth. The earlier you accept it without pointless debates, the easier for me to continue the story. Thank you. So the lady hops along lah-dee-dah to San Diego for an encounter of the paranormal kind. I dont know how one approaches this dainty task though. Does one say " I wish to speak umm..to a paranormal person" ? In anycase, she enters a swanky home to speak to Mother Donna (names changed to protect identity - whose identity though? hers or her paranormal business partners? hush hush) So atsuko proceeds to speak to a heavily middle-eastern accented eeeebraheeem. He proceeds to tell her, in her own words, answers to what she wanted to ask! Hallelujah, you say? Caution - he does not answer questions that he knows you dont want really want to ask. Questions such as - how many marbles in my pocket or how many cops waiting outside to nab you. HUSSSSHHHH i say!!
To proceed on - she expresses wish to speak to her father -a japanese dead person. "yessssss" assures mother donna. Except when father dearest begins to speak, is in heavily japanese accented english. "It was a bit strange" atsuko admitted to us later "he answered in a strangely tibetian accented english". Alla and me exchange sly looks, but Julia gives us the stern eye to comfort her "but tibet is somewhere near japan, eeesnt it" she asks. "it might as well be" replies geo-challenged atusko "but dad cannot speak english". Alla and me continue to smother ourselves from giggling as julia comforts her the way only she can "oh atsukooo..dont worry, maybe poppa wants you to learn better english"...Atsuko nods wisely as she totters off..NOW can i snigger???
paranormally
hushhhh....
Comments