Monday, November 15, 2004

Death to Zonga i DARE? do i have the guts? do i actually bombard the readers with yet another blog? [biting nails furiously for a second to decide. Realization that bitable nails do not exist pushes me over the edge] Go for it sister! screams my typing-addicted fingers.whoooosh [sound of blog tornado hitting you..coz you still readin this aint ya?]

well oook--since y'all insist so.hey, hey..stop the jostling.everyone gets to read. its a blog after all, not a limited edition newspaper.Its official, the whole world is in on this conspiracy.Manchurian candidate be damned, (actually spare the manchurian.and box it to go please?) this conspiracy tops it all. listen carefully as i outline this daring plot to corrupt the world and earn greedy millions off it.

2000 A.D-Greedy Dr.Zonga discovers a brilliant way to fleece millions from the unsuspecting world. He cackles evilly at his master plan, one that cannot go wrong, carefully plotted and schemed in a way only his devious mind would work. He proudly looks at his partners in crime, and booms in manner of mogambo "Begin" and the wheels of his world-destructive plan started to roll.
The effects of his deceitful plan werent apparent initially..a few oomph models planted on TV Ads..digitally enhanced (or is that dehanced) waistlines started appearing in magazines...desirable weights went from healthy to undernourished..definitions of beauty and pretty included waistlines that could be bangle-sizes instead.soon, vanity started taking over as the world's fav hobby. food portions reduced to bite-sized salads for lunches and dinners. everybody started panicking about weights and waists...Dr.Zonga laughed evilly in his cave and pushed into motion the second part of his plan--malls and department stores started swapping dress sizes--"L" sizes became "M" and the medium sizes were swapped with "S". Worse still, "S" size were replaced by children sizes of clothes. women started to panick when they realized they could no longer fit into their M size dresses..and the shock of having to switch to L sizes instead terrorized them. Diet plans invaded the market like bees when the beehive is broken. Atkins became a national icon. Dr.Zonga had even invaded the detergent market, contaminating the detergents and soaps so they shrunk clothes when washed. Horrified women discoverd clothes bought yesterday didnt fit them today and ran weeping to diet clinics, all run by Dr. Zonga. He minted millions by saving cloth and making smaller sized clothes and selling them in L and M sizes. he secretly made deals with magazines and televisons to promote digitally altered pictures of celebrities. he laughed victoriously as the confused world ran helter skelter in search of the unattainable figure..his partners in crime, garment manufacturers, diet-clinic owners and the media popped open a bottle of champagne and claimed victoriously, "my favorite vice---vanity" in manner of Al pacino in Devil's advocate.

Moral of the story

when in the morning you wake
look at the weighing machine and shake
when in the mirror you look
and wish your waistline someone else took.
remember my friend, Dr.Zonga laughs.

When you go a-shopping
and find clothes where buttons apopping
you sit in the trial room and cry
about how fat you are and sigh,
remember, Dr. Zonga laughs

When you gaze wistfully at dessert
but the thought of calories make you hurt
and you stick to your sandpaper salad
remember, Dr.Zongo then sings a ballad.

when celebrities filled with fame
make you tear up in shame
when you wonder for the 100th time
a waist of 24! you pine!
remember, Dr. Zonga smirks.

as a guilt-ridden tiramisu eater,

1 comment:

Ubermensch said...

for the last time,
increase the font size!!!