Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Of Prudes and Prejudices

California judge ruled against the state ban against same-sex marriages. Gays went rah-rah, conservatives went bah-bah and everyone decided to wait for almost a decade for an actual law/rule to come into place. Well, joy for the gays I say [nope.not being redundant there am i?]. To almost counter any kind of progress to the presumed minorities of the world, feminists decide to launch a blogHERcon-a conference for female bloggers. Hmm. Probing further, i see the issues the conference deals with. "Why are females in the minority when it comes to blogging?", "What issues do women face when they blog" and as an emphatic "feminist" statement the conference could possibly have baby-sitters et al so blogging moms bring along their totes. Ooook then.Zipping my lips and canning the hundred comments in head. Brevity being the name of the game and all that jazz.

Oh damn, ok. I give up.I HAVE to rant. I have nothing to say on the gay-marriage issue-hey, it makes perfect sense to me. All those opposing it are not gays--and those for it are gays. If a single gay guy opposed same-sex marriage [of course we arent talking closet gays who marry women and pretend to be righteous in their anti-gay claims] I would maybe reconsider the thought. But conference for female bloggers seems to be this giant step somewhere--not forward for sure. Yeah i know females who have kids have it tough, and not every female is a superhero. I also know enough females who do a splendid job of managing kids and work without feeling a sense of guilt at everything they do or dont. But i somehow could never understand these "female only" conferences unless we talking frustration management technqiues at PMS or labor. Coz, lets see now--female conferences for "female" issues talk of, to put it mildly "issues". We arent talking world hunger issues here, we talking "my office-folk expect me to be available even when there are babycare needs to take care of". To me, it strangely resembles gossiping. If you have issues, and you are there to communicate, dudettes, who you communicating TO? Feminism has suddenly stopped being a movement and moved towards a complaint register. Feminism, to me, is about issues where females arent on equal standing with men. Villages with child-marriage, infanticide when it comes to little baby girls, or simply lack of individualistic rights for females. Making time-management and people-management the main feminist issue for married females with kids, is frankly to me, a slap in the face of women who do a brilliant job managing them all well without the perennial guilt-trips. A recent article in a newsweek magazine talks of how the "soccer mom" is a myth. How moms DONT have to do it all to be termed a great soccer [or cricket] mom. Fair enough, i say. If you want your kid to be in 25 different classes, insist on protectively participating in all PTA, childgroup, girl scout and local parenting meetings as well as manage a job and take care of your home efficiently while planning for birthday parties, well, joy to you. I've seen moms [well, actually one] who doesnt think she has to be a part of all that her kid does, and frankly doesnt think the kid needs to compete in terms of extra-curricular classes he takes. The kid reads books and plays soccer, and she is a part of one parenting group that helps with carpools.period. The fact that the newsweek magazine went into a "you dont have to feel guilty for not being a supermom. Dont blame yourself, blame the government/system" seemed a bit odd, but i guess kidded moms have a better opinion there.

In anycase, so much for blogging conferences for women-to me, its the same as Football fan conferences for women, no?. "Why arent there enough football fans" asks the leader on the podium. "Well, coz there is a lesser percentage of females who watch and follow football?" meekly states a front-seater. "Aha! and whose fault is that?" asks the leader, pointing a unshaking finger at the one who dare asked the question, drawing angry glares from her neighbors.


Speaking of feminism and gay rights, herez some thot for the gray cells [question: are they REALLY gray? coz i would really like them to be called blue cells or smtg. Gray just seems, well, sad for smtg thats supposedly bright and intelligent]. My guess is, 50 years from now, both gay rights and feminism would have progressed [progress being a relative term]. Hell, kids in 2075, if all goes well would ask their mom [or moms, as gay rights progress remember?] "oooh mom-1! tell me, was it really illegal for you to marry mom-2? Did you really participate in the gay parade to demand gay-marriage? And did ALL women marry men then?" while mommy dearest picks little kid onto lap and regales stories of "those good ole days when protesting was a part-time hobby". Or a little girl runs up to dad to ask "ooh dad, Rahul tells me that in the olden days,moms always took care of children and went part-time at work for it. Is that true?" she asks with eyes wide open in wonder. And daddy dearest, having succesfully finished his 50% of tasks at home, pats her affectionately and goes "yes my little one. How odd would that be now right?". So if there is no feminism, racial bias and gay bias in the world of the future? what would prejudice and bias be based on? Color? check.done away with long back. Sex? ditto. Gays? Ditto. hmm, a world without bias would be difficult to imagine as thats probably the only constant trait in social evolution. I guess the "haves" and "have-nots" is a constant one too. Maybe "personality traits" i suppose? like "ooh! dont talk to HER! shez one of those 'Assertive ones". Nyaah, but worth a thought if world were to be biased based on personality traits for lack of anything else.Any thoughts? [this is the point when you simply pass on, writing inane random blogs down to 9:30 am didnt get my cereal today attitudes]

Stoutly Anti-urban feminist,
Sapna

11 comments:

FunnyCide said...

Okay, looks like the little girl is playing with the colors and the background!! or am I seeing things :D

Feminism!! How sadly has that term been exploited. I dont understand why women have to do hundred different things - work, have babies, take care of them and the hubby, and still not complain, to be equals. Like you said, feminism has long ceased to be about socio-economic-political rights for women.. it is soon becoming [or has it already become?] a big bitch session.

Oft times I heard feminism being talked about like Anti-Male-ism. That disgusts me.

Anyways, woman, that was a good post for the yellow cells [yes, yellow is the in color for the season.. so says Cosmo and what better color for something 'bright'].. Lol @ Football-conferences and gay moms in 2075!!

buckwaasur said...

hehe...the football conference was ROTFL funny...

but i really get a little disturbed at the implicit societal assumption that the woman will be the chief caretaker in spite of being an equal breadwinner.

and i have seen more resistance to correcting this bias from women than men because:

a) in an ironic case of reverse discrimination, men are assumed to be not competent enough to care as well as women

b) most women still have major issues with accepting a guy who may earn less or actually stay at home...in fact, i'd go so far as to say "play second fiddle to her" whether it be financially, intellectually, whateverlly...

inspiredbylife said...

lol ma'am S! This is exactly what I wanted to say some days back! :) Ah glad that you brought it out in such fashion n color! ;)

inspiredbylife said...

agree completely with buck on his point b! Donno, for some reason women find it real hard to accept a guy even as a friend whom they consider less in whatever way!! :D

Peppy said...

righto buck--plus women tend to have this protectiveness of their tasks [remember mom who automatically deny dads the right to cook,citing "you dont know anything" and still cribbing about unhelpful dads?]. purposefulness is a different thing--its fair for a woman to want her guy to have a purpose to work towards, just as its perfectly ok for a guy to expect a babe to have some purpose. Definition of purpose seems to be what is distorted methinks. Most females are content piling in onto themselves and cribbing than accepting 50-50 in reality than in theory.

Doh said...

Interesting rant S !
of course the evolution of any movement barring redefinition of course is that once an issue is no longer an issue or is resolved , find newer ones
and so on until it resembles a litany of complaints
the problem being that societal and community evils as a cause are less appealing than finding a peer group with the same problems as your own thereby lending legitimacy to the "cause"
looking into the crystal ball though :) i personally feel that instead of a society united and accepting the various differences it will instead be a society more sharply divided..

maria said...

Just curious Sapna..

Have you been to many 'women's conferences'?!"Whatever" they may be called!

Not all of them- require male-bashing, atleast- the ones which I have been- part-of are not!..So it is kind of unfair to categorize them 'under a big umbrella'!

What does- 'bitching' really mean?!
I have seen both men and women- whine, rant and ramble..way more than a 'female dog' howls!.. I am sure it was 'coined' bu someone, who has had no -experience caring for female or male dogs..but a
sexist- to 'put down'... I would perhaps feel the same way- if a 'word' was coined just about 'male behavior'...
To me an 'empowered woman'- does not 'attack Men' and stereotype them..

*And she certainly does not 'stereotype' women..either- whether they are Bloggers, Writers,
Doctors, Football fans..or whatever:)

*"Feminism"- is simply a word- it is whatever a woman wants it to be- according to the times she lives in- or she finds disparities(the fact is 'gender' still matters!)..I wonder why, it angers women..more than 'bitch/bitching does'..women seem to proud to use 'bitching'!


Women- can inspire women- too!.. In an unique way..(just my thoughts).. Maybe women do find come comfort in the presence of 'caring' women..at times, maybe someone who can understand them better..I am perhaps one of those women- who has found some wonderful women friends.. the youngest is 15- the oldest 85!

best,
Maria

FunnyCide said...

Hey Maria,
Nice to see you here. To my understanding S is talking about all the conferences that are being held under the false banner of Feminism - the doctrine and the movement of equal rights and equal opportunities for women. So much that the essence of Feminism is lost.

Anyways, just like the word "bitch" I realised there is no word for "Feminism" for the other gender. :)

-Funnycide

Peppy said...

Hiya Maria,

A big hello! Thot it made it lots easier for me to pull out of your comments, and comment on them so here goes:

Have you been to many 'women's conferences'?!"Whatever" they may be called!Not all of them- require male-bashing, atleast- the ones which I have been- part-of are not!..So it is kind of unfair to categorize them 'under a big umbrella'!

---I have been to a couple, yes. But somehow the concept of narrowing down a general category of bloggers, to women-only bloggers irks me. It seems to work more towards alienating the gender, IMHO. I know plenty of people who read blogs, for example and probably couldnt care two hoots if it was a male or a female blogging, the content is what matters most. If the aim is to see "why are we in the minority", "how do we get more women to blog" and "what troubles women bloggers", yes i will have a problem. And worse is putting the term "feminism" to it [btw-the BlogHERCon will be happening soon on the east coast]. I sincerely believe it serves no purpose to continually alienate the gender--in the garb of feminism.




To me an 'empowered woman'- does not 'attack Men' and stereotype them..

*And she certainly does not 'stereotype' women..either- whether they are Bloggers, Writers,
Doctors, Football fans..or whatever:)

---Nope she doesnt. But it would be a lot better not to push the "i am female" ticket constantly. And i do particularly find it irksome, rather when men are stereotyped.


*"Feminism"- is simply a word- it is whatever a woman wants it to be- according to the times she lives in- or she finds disparities(the fact is 'gender' still matters!)..I wonder why, it angers women..more than 'bitch/bitching does'..women seem to proud to use 'bitching'!

--Whoa, to me 'Feminism' cannot be whatever a woman wants it to be. If you insist a guy do the dishes and not expect the woman to do it all the time, and also that female infanticide should be abolished, they certainly both dont qualify as the same thing to me. If I think fair and equal house-work is a feminism issue, i am equating "any problems female have with men" as feminism.


Women- can inspire women- too!.. In an unique way..(just my thoughts).. Maybe women do find come comfort in the presence of 'caring' women..at times, maybe someone who can understand them better..I am perhaps one of those women- who has found some wonderful women friends.. the youngest is 15- the oldest 85!

---As do most women. I certainly didnt imply women dont find other women comforting. Some of my best pals are women as well. When i do have a problem, i do feel its better to make it a "person problem" than a "problem with a gender".

Thnks for your comments!

Ardra said...

sapnaaaaaaaaaaaa!( i insist on the extended syllable ;-) )

well, I came here not to comment abt u'r rant- much has been said abt it already- so let me just put it this way- I love the way u write...:-)
now, the reason why I dared to pres the post comment key esp these days when blogspot gets cranky...I protest that u deleted u'r toon blog- u'r blog- u'r spot- u delete- fine...
but wish u hadnt deleted it...those questions have haunted me many a day...sigh...
ardraaaaaaaaaa

SeaSwallowMe said...

hey ms.s (aka the p on the d-b ... oops, i mean "on the s-b") ...

nice one. am with you on all this overloading of the term.

the very idea of a "blogHERcon" sounds patently ridiculous .. how the folks behind it can even pull something like this off with a straight face amazes me.

and you're so right about the gender-straight-jacketing. esp. when it's self-inflicted.

there are very real issues, even in 2005, and even in the developed world - but using "feminism" as a catch-all umbrella term for all kinds of whining belittles the movement itself. all those eminent ghosts of the past like liz cady stanton & susan anthony must be turning in their grave. imagine how far we've come - right-to-vote issues all the way to imagined-gender-bias in the blog-world.