Friday, April 01, 2005

Someone's On My Shoulder

Massach [short for the untypeable state MA] sat firmly on the right shoulder, looking appropriately bored, even though the meeting hadnt even started. Snow-shovel was placed lazily by his side, dangling from my shoulder."Gosh, you are rather heavy" i remarked, shifting my weight a bit to balance the well-padded massach. Moving a bored eyeball towards me [well, both actually. but i dont particularly like massach and the spookier he sounds, the better for me],"duh! its still winter here aint it?" he asked in manner of trying to explain to an idiotic child. To be fair, massach had all reasons to be rude. He had been pulled out of shovel-the-frontyard activities to participate in a meeting with self, massach and soon to be ex-state, california who was yet to arrive. CA sauntered in, clad in an aloha shirt and fairly skimpy shorts even for a guy. "Aloha" he trilled prettily, sitting daintily on the empty left shoulder, light as a feather and tanned to boot [really, he had tan leather boots]. Massach groaned, "Identity crisis" he spouted venomously, "still in denial for the hawaii rejection CA?" he asked, grinning. I muttered something inaudible even to self, hoping the topic didnt balloon and take away all attention i am supposed to get. Everyone knew CA had the hots for hawaii.Hawaii, well, couldnt care less. There was nothing CA could give her, giving her no incentive to move closer to the mainland. She had the beaches, the palm trees and the cocktails-on-the-beachfront. CA was after all, a wannabe hawaii. CA was heartbroken, refusing to let go of Hawaii memories and still insisting CA was the land of sunshine, surfboards and golden beaches. EVeryone knew he went to a tanning saloon every month near LA to get the golden look, but hey, who are we to complain?

"So whats all this shing-a-din about?"he trilled, ignoring Massach. He sipped a badly made pinacolada while adjusting the sunglasses and relaxing back on my now aching shoulder. "Well" i cleared my throat, "As you both know, I had informed people yesterday I was moving out of CA and into Massach. I just wanted to make sure you were ok with this". I looked warily at CA, very well known for his "expressions of emotions" that could run for as long as a Dr.Phil show."yeah i heard it on the state-vine" he said nonchalantly, "sure, no problem!". I was hoping this was another in-denial state of CA. I was after all, a golden adopted child of CA, pretending the sun and the sand was perfect while all the time i was wondering why it was too much like pune, weather-wise. But CA couldnt care less, only too glad to let a pseudo-californian mess his purist CA race. After all, i wasnt exactly roaming around in shorts or skimpy bikinis. Nor did I consider surfing a sport. I was doing nothing to appreciate what CA had to offer, in his opinion, which he stated in no uncertain terms. So I was free to trot around to any state as i please. "Damn!" i thought, "This was supposed to be a farewell, not a happy relief discussion". I turned towards Massach, who was now comfortably pretending to snore disdainfully. "Umm Massach?" I called out. I personally thought self qualified pretty well to be a Bostonian. As my grandmom often claimed, while making onionless veggies for dinner, "we were pure brahmins" [therby foregoing tasty seasonings like garlic and onion] and well, everyone knows of the Boston Brahmins. "Do i have a choice here?" he asked, visibly unhappy about another "what is a snow shovel? you mean i have to pick at the car before driving it?" case out of extremist CA."Well, you dont you know" I muttered. "I did specify yesterday I was moving out April end. Am even looking for movers!" I say brightly."yeah, whatever" Massach says uncharacteristically pulling out vocab from CA.

"Here is your entry test" Massach says, as if everyone would be aware of it. Sealed with a firm Harvard logo, it looked like 24 pounder, with plenty of space for writing down answers. "Entry test?" i mutter, the same way i muttered "DMV Test?" to the official like i was born to bypass tests. "Its needed, you know" he says, offering a 20 minute oral exam alternative instead. I take it, hell, am an adopted californian, can talk my way through anything no? Or atleast fill my sentences with "like, you know" till am expected to stop talking. "Red Soxs is..." Massach asks, one eyebrow raised. "passe of course" i say proudly. I stand up full length to show him my bright blue knee length polka-dotted socks. "Beat this" i say proudly. Massach groans visibly while CA looks around for the recycling bin and does stress-exercises for the 7th digit on palm. "There is an option here you know" Massach says, putting the question paper down firmly. "Whazzat?" asks CA, obviously upset i dont recycle my cans and very much glad i am leaving. "Well you could tell the truth" Massach says severely. "To whom" i ask, nervous to have been caught. "To the DSSers thats who!" Massach roars. "You arent moving nowhere are you? Liar liar pants on fire. April fool's day joke is all that you had in mind"! he takes a swig out of CA's almost empty pinacolada and takes quick short breaths. "Umm" i grin stupidly. "It did work, no?" i ask glad to get this off my mind. "You claimed i suck" CA sulked.

Curtains close on sulking CA, pinacolada discovering and liking Massach and stupidly grinning self.

CA rocks guys. Thats the truth. Happy April Fools day :-)

Pleased as punch [yep resh. I still dont get why punch is pleased but it sounds nice dont it]


buckwaasur said...

lol good one...u got me...:-))
when i saw ur movers guide query, i thought i had missed out on the news coz the buckwaas board was blocked...

SeaSwallowMe said...

hooked, lined & sinkered :)))

awesome, peps ... you reeled us all in pretty good.

unless fizz checks DSS over the wkend, come Monday morning, she's going to be the only one who still thinks you're Boston-bound :-P

Beach Bum said...

Delightful. You got flow! And you got a sense of fun. Keep writing. Can't wait to read more.

void said...

ahahaha.. u guys still falling for it.. jeezz peeple.. peps is indeed moving to boston in april-end.. this blog here claiming that its a lie is the REAL prank.. its sort of a meta-prank..

the announcement abt the move was made yday. isnt it illegal to pull April fool pranks in March??

Peppy said...

tchah--records will indicate [gesturing to court assistant to produce archives] that self started on prank 12 PM IST [court assistant nods vigorously in agreement]. Therefore, melord, self acted appropriate to day's theme as self considers self a world citizen [penalty of $5 for overuse of word "self" submitted to court clerk]

Gentle Sunshine said...

hehe :--)))))

well, i didnt get fooled, coz whenever the paragraphs are large, i read the comments first to figure out the "gist". but i am glad so many others did :-D

LOL!! @ defense against Void's accusation with "self considers self a world citizen"